I didn’t expect this new Baywatch movie (opening Thursday) to get good reviews, as most film critics are uptight snobs about this sort of fare and the TV series it is based on was absolute cheese. Yet, even by the usual low Baywatch standards the reviews are really awful. It’s running at 20 percent at Rotten Tomatoes! (Update: they’ve dropped to 18 percent as of Friday!)
Word on the street is this is an unfunny, gross-out type of movie that not even Dwayne Johnson can save. I guess no one ought to be surprised.
And this is not the only new movie getting pelted. The film critics are already blasting away at the new Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Men Tell No Tales, due to open Friday, which is running currently at 31 percent!
Oh, well, maybe this is a good week for moviegoers to stay home and save their money.
If you want to do something different from watching TV, guess what: going to the movies is not going to help! Movie theatres are certainly the “home of the TV retreads” these days. All the shows that used to be on your TV set can now be seen on the big screen in the cinema. Aren’t you excited by this prospect? No?!
Fortunately, fans have sent Hollywood a message and have spurned the awful-looking CHIPS, the retread movie version of the old NBC television show about the California Highway Patrol that had starred Erik Estrada and Larry Wilcox. Neither Dax Shepard nor Michael Pena could save this latest critically-panned turkey, which earned a lousy $2.6 million on Friday night. Its projected weekend haul is an awful $7.3 million! (If you are wondering, it was Beauty and the Beast that cleaned up again this weekend, with Power Rangers second. Power Rangers — that’s another ex-TV show revival.)
I wonder if this abysmal box office showing by CHIPS could be a bad sign for Baywatch, another upcoming revival of yet another remarkably cheesy TV series. Maybe Dwayne Johnson’s involvement will save it. Or maybe guys will want to check out gorgeous Kelly Rohrbach and Priyanka Chopra. Anyway, they released their trailer this week and since I have nothing better to do today, I thought I would share it here.
Read this piece at the CBC website about the revival of interest in the decade of the Nineties.
Honestly, though, this is nothing new, it has gone on a little while now. I mentioned before that there is always a big nostalgia wave for the decade that happened 20 years earlier, no matter what decade it is. As I previously pointed out, in the Seventies, there was all this Fifties interest with Happy Days, Grease and so on. In the Eighties, it was the Sixties and in particular Vietnam (Platoon, China Beach etc.). In the Nineties we got That 70s Show. In the 2000s we got I Love the 80s on VH1.
And so on. Mark my words: 20 years from now, people will be all nostalgic for the Kardashians, Lady Gaga, Katy Perry, Game of Thrones, Better Call Saul and the other stuff from this decade, even though this uptight politics-obsessed decade has been awful in general. Heck, people might even get nostalgic for Bernie Sanders, or even Joe Biden!
But yes, it seems as if we are getting lots of Nineties stuff showing up again.
As one really good example of what we have seen on TV, they brought back The X-Files. Yes indeed, Mulder and Scully are back, and what’s more, they really turned on the hype machine for this show by airing it right after the Super Bowl. Not only that, it’s the original actors, too, David Duchovny and Gillian Anderson!
I understand this miniseries has wrapped up now, but I am guessing it will be back at some point, as the series ended on a cliffhanger.
Another good example: Fuller House, the revival of the old Full House show. And it is being shown the 21st Century way, on Netflix.
Honestly, though, I never liked the original Full House and cannot understand its appeal. The X-Files, yes, I get why people would want it back, but this? I guess maybe girls liked John Stamos, or something. Anyway, I thought it was an utterly witless show that epitomized all that was bad about Disney ownership of ABC. Full House deserved to stay stuck in the Nineties.
Another mindless show that deserves to stay in the Nineties is Baywatch, but Dwayne Johnson and Zac Efron are insisting on bringing it back as a major motion picture, even though Baywatch seems out of step with our uptight times. Or maybe they think bringing it back will be an antidote to our uptight times, who knows? Heck, we sure need one. Anyway, I notice they have been busy lately promoting the female cast. Among them are Priyanka Chopra and Alexandra Daddario!
Apparently David Hasselhoff has been recruited to appear in this production as well, presumably to help save this effort from certain doom. Anyway, Baywatch is yet one more item from the Nineties rescued from the vault.
Of course, the defining time of the Nineties was the O.J. Simpson murder trial, and the miniseries American Crime Story: The People v. O.J. Simpson continues to get people watching and talking about it on FX. In fact, just the other day there was some news: apparently people were tearing down O.J.’s old Brentwood estate and somebody had found a knife!
Alas, it sounds like this was probably not the murder weapon. And so the “mystery” goes on, as does our continuing fascination with the Nineties.
As I have said, making a movie out of an iconic TV show is seldom a good idea. It rarely works out well. It is especially a bad idea to make a movie based on an iconic so-bad-it’s-good TV show, which is exactly what Baywatch was in the Nineties.
The reason people tuned into Baywatch was because it was mindless entertainment! You tuned in to check out the babes, or the hunks, whichever you preferred. Who cared about the plot, it was all about the gorgeous people!
For me, the whole point of it was to check out the hotties like Carmen Electra and Gena Lee Nolin and Yasmine Bleeth, and of course, Pam Anderson.
And there were others, too, but Pam stood out the most. When she left the show, believe me, it was over.
Anyway, if what Entertainment Weekly is reporting about this proposed Baywatch movie is true, it will be terrible. It’s going to include Dwayne Johnson and Zac Efron, and it sounds like it will be R-rated and nothing like the TV show. It looks like it’s going to be an action movie. As if that’s what we need from Hollywood!
Pam is saying the original Baywatch show belonged to “a simpler, sweeter time,” and you know what? She’s right!
Nowadays, everyone’s all politically correct and all uptight, and any movie with women in swimsuits in it like Baywatch was in the Nineties will surely get all the uptight people riled up and marching in the streets, and venting on social media.
Which is exactly why a Baywatch movie probably shouldn’t happen in 2015 — we are not living in carefree times. It’s too bad, but that’s the truth. The terrorists have won. That is all.
Welcome to another News from Nowhere, this time coinciding with Thanksgiving weekend here in frozen Canada — although to be honest, around here it is not “frozen” yet. But it will be, soon enough, so I’m enjoying what is four full days off from work before all that happens.
After this post, I intend to do absolutely no journalism, no writing at all, until next Tuesday when I return to work. Also, I’m going to have to seriously think about the next few months to come — such as winter getaway plans. Seriously, there is absolutely no way I am going to spend my entire winter here in Saskatchewan. I’ve got to head someplace which isn’t cold and overrun with snow. Arrgh!!
The big story here in Saskatchewan lately has been CRIME. We’ve had some bad incidents lately around the province, but also in our own area. I wrote a column on the local situation here.
Beyond that, people have mainly been freaking out because a dangerous sex offender was on the loose. This guy had thrown away his electronic monitoring bracelet in Lloydminster, prompting schools in a number of places to go on lockdown.
We were closely following that story in our newsroom and getting email updates from the police about it. Some people were scared that he was going to come up here to our city. Now, we hear, he has fled to the States.
Anyway, it is stories like these that are the reason why I need four days off. Stories about criminals on the loose is really, really depressing.
Other news from nowhere for this week: As expected and predicted it was the Liberals who threw out the incumbent NDP in Nova Scotia’s provincial election. Not even Premier Darrell Dexter could save his own seat in what was a total rout of the NDP.
From the USA — those jokers in Congress and the White House are still haggling for a deal during this government shutdown and there are signs of progress.
Some bad news from the world of film criticism: Stanley Kauffmann has died.
In entertainment news I noticed ABC News has this report about a Baywatch reunion done for Entertainment Tonight. It turns out a lot of cast members had weight clauses that forbid them from gaining five pounds!! Some of the female cast members also spoke of some of the cattiness on the set.
Wow, brings back memories eh? I still love the Baywatch babes. (Pam! Gena Lee! Carmen! Donna! Brande! Did I say Pam?) I love the Nineties.
In sports, the Formula 1 campaign has turned into a runaway for Sebastian Vettel and I noticed this piece in the Daily Mail about him, comparing him to Fangio and Schumacher. Like those greats, though, his dominance is turning this season into a big bore. He can wrap up another title this weekend at Suzuka, Japan, with four races to spare.
Also noticed a story about Sportsnet’s Ian Mendes, who recently quit and went to TSN Radio mainly to be closer to the family. He was getting fed up with all the travel taking him away from what is really important in life.
You know, I hear him. I can relate because of all the lost evenings going to cover meetings when I could be home watching, uh, sports.
Also in sports, I noticed Slate did up a map of the USA pointing out all the regional sports. It’s pretty interesting when you look at some of the regional sports tastes down there — with North Carolina being such a NASCAR hotbed and all the boxing activity in Las Vegas, and Jai-Alai being such a big Florida sport — though I notice a lot of stories about that sport dying and so on.
One commenter over at Deadspin did up a map for Canada — which was pretty much all hockey except for a certain province that likes football, apparently. (Take a guess which one.)
I think that is it for the moment.